What would Jesus do?

Hard not to believe in anything on such a brilliant summers day. My sons race across the yard and fling their bodies into the pool disappearing into water, the raising bursts of the waves hinting where they've fallen...You can hear them laughing, yelling, daring each other to do different tricks....And for a few minutes of what seems like suspended time, normalcy, by the conventional definition I was raised with, accompanies me. Jesus, Gabe is just like the rest of them, laughing, twirling in the water, floating on tubes and swimming confidently.....I hear him shout "look at me" "watch this guys", and I am in heaven...I still secretly count the number of words used in each sentence.
Conventional normalcy gets up and walks away and my reality jumps in to rock my moment.....Gabe had run out of the pool and found a wondering box tortoise (we get them every summer), shakes it like a maraca and puts it down his swim trunks, then grabs a hose, turns it on and sticks that down his swim trunks too, throw in a few appetizers and cocktails and there's a party going on in Gabe's pants.....Well, what is a party for one, is water boarding for another...and apparently, this is what Will thought was going on and quickly rescued the tortoise...You think they are slow? This one was out of my yard in a New York minute...
Never seen a tortoise move so quickly. I suppose if you want to win a marathon, instead of training for months, spend the few minutes with Gabe, his swim trunks of wonders and a hose and you'll beat everyone to the finish line....
It wasn't long after that the excitement got the best of him. He began to vocally stim and flap, skipping towards the trampoline, then jumping his way back to self regulation...With every bounce calming clarity. Quietly I go through my list of things I still want to do with him, what vitamin might help what, what exercise may reduce the need to flap so continuously... What new treatment can get him to the next level....How to get him ready for the school year...For years I've tried to out think Autism, and I have beat myself up for feeling like it's just not enough, I'm not enough...The voices in my head, judge, jury, prosecutor and defense making cases as to why I fail, what fails us, and then there is that little voice that raises above it all, and reminds me that there was a time when play was only parallel, when the words were trapped in his mind, when he could not stand to keep his clothes on or sustain any eye contact, or make any connection much less invite anyone to watch him do underwater somersaults or stand on his hands.....As much as it deeply hurts me to see the growing divide between what a normal 4th grader is like and the immaturity that Gabe thoroughly embraces and relishes in, I know that this too requires incredible maturity on my part to find those connections between him and his peers: and teach him to how to do that too, just like we taught him how to calm himself down on his trampoline, take deep breaths and move on......
I have an acquaintance who has a child on the spectrum, and she handles just about everything Autism and non Autism by one simple question...."what would Jesus do?"......I asked her how that was working for her, she mentioned that she found she had more tolerance, compassion and kindness for her son and her struggles, and that it gave her great calm and peace to know she had the Lord by her side. Happily, it works beautifully for her...Here's the thing....when I think of what would Jesus do, it's so simple, water gets turned into wine, lemonade into limoncello, raise a few from the dead, or at least a stupor or 2, feed the hungry, cure everyone, bring peace, enlighten the masses and have a great party... except maybe not in Gabe's swim trunks...When Jesus asked us to think for ourselves, question authority, be kind, be compassionate, help others out, respect...it got him crucified.....What would Jesus do? I am asked...real question is, What would I do? What can I do? What should I be doing to help Gabe and kids like him live the best life possible. I'm not religious person. 12 years of catholic school and still I struggle with everything....
But it's hard not to believe in anything on a brilliant summers day....So I choose to believe in life, in family, in energy, in friendship, in love, in art, in the sunrise and the sunset and all that falls in between.......Gabe sits next to me blowing bubbles into the sky, like prayers released, I hope for enlightment.............