Friday, May 20, 2011

The Rapture Cha Cha Cha

On a temperamental mid May Wednesday afternoon, a new version of the Cha Cha Cha was created at the Arthur Murray School of Dance in Center Moriches, NY. The week was wet, the clouds hung darker and grayer than usual. An occasional exhale of sunlight provided a moment of relief, before sudden downpours of torrential rains jumped off all things of substance as though they were trampolines. We watched from under a disco ball while waiting for our Cha Cha Cha lesson. The weather stood in the way of most of our classmates, but Gabe and I are dancing machines, and we weren't going to miss it.......The music starts.....The teacher (aka Arthur Murray, according to Gabe) takes his place. There are 6 of us there, he stands in the middle and counts the beats...right foot front....cha cha cha.....left foot back cha cha cha.....

Gabe and I stand face to face trying to figure out our left from our right...I count along, guiding him.....And it starts.....the birth of the new version of the Cha Cha Cha, The Rapture CHA CHA CHA....ready?

Assume position, back straight, shoulders back, arms extended...

One two, Cha Cha Cha

Gabe: Will the world end on Saturday? Cha cha cha

Me: No Gabe Cha Cha Cha

Gabe: But they say it will blow up Cha Cha Cha...

Me: nothing will happen Cha Cha Cha

Gabe: I don't want to die Cha Cha Cha

Me: You are not going to die Cha Cha Cha

Gabe: I don't want anyone to die Cha Cha Cha

Me: No one is going to die Cha Cha Cha

Gabe: I don't want the world to end Cha Cha Cha

Me: you're killing my feet Cha Cha Cha...

Gabe: What if we blow up Cha Cha Cha

Me: We are not going to blow up Cha Cha Cha...Now travel Cha Cha CHa
Knock it off and focus Cha Cha Cha

Gabe: What can I earn Cha Cha Cha

Me: You can earn computer Cha Cha Cha.....

Gabe: Can I earn computer and not blowing up? Cha Cha Cha....

Me: Yes, you can earn both things Cha Cha Cha

Gabe: I'm hungry Cha Cha Cha

Me: Pay attention and travel Cha Cha Cha

Gabe: Can I earn computer, not blowing up and cocktail weinies if I do a good job with Mr. Arthur Murray Cha Cha Cha?

Me: Yes Gabe, now please focus on dance Cha Cha Cha.....
Now turn Cha Cha Cha

Gabe: I don't want to die Cha Cha Cha
I want to live Cha Cha Cha
Turn the Disco Ball on Cha Cha Cha
This is a party Cha Cha Cha...........

He remained unfocused and anxious the rest of the class.....

We drove home......

Where another version of the Cha Cha Cha was born......

It's called the Pinot Grigio Cha Cha Cha .......and it goes something like this.....

Assume position, Back straight, shoulders back, arm extended, pour into glass.....and RAISE your glass Cha Cha Cha.....

Here's the deal.....If I have to watch my "language" in front of children and limit my "french" to decibals only audible to dogs, then others should watch what they say about "world destruction" and "death" around my kids, Gabe in particular, because he does not perserverate over my 4 letter word choices, but he does over his mortality, and everyone elses. And it's endless. Just when you think he has calmed down, he's back up asking you the same questions all over again, cha cha *f*ing cha...A slip of the f word, ok, a well thought out creative use of the f word, is nothing next to the anxiety created by what the "D" word inspires the imagination to unleash.......I think "World Destruction" is a hell of a lot more offensive than any of Carlins famous 7 words you can't say on TV.....But that's just my *F*ing opinion......

Hopefully next week we will be dancing the "I Survived Salsa"...........

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