Paper Hearts

"Dreams are like paper......they tear so easily" Gilda Radner

These past few months the weather men have been bombarding us with their versions of the Terror threat, red, orange, yellow colors and all, over snow, snow fall amounts, blizzard conditions, etc....Last week we were lucky and those predictions ended up floating off to the ocean .....Wednesday and Thursday, we ran out of luck. Blizzard came, schools closed, kids were thrilled till they had to shovel, and I was left to figure out how to make the most of it....

Routine and structure are particularly important to kids on the spectrum. An unexpected snowfall, a sudden change in plans, a shift of any kind can kick the anxiety levels to new heights.
Last year Gabe would have been left upset, confused and weepy about the day off from school. This year, growth. There have been so many unprecedented changes in our lives lately, I suppose his ability to generalize left him understanding that we have other choices. So this time around, when school closed, like a typical kid, he was actually hoping it would ....What am I going to do now? He asked, hoping I would say "play computers all day kid, knock yourself out"....."We are going to read, do practice ELA's, work on your math and then you can decide on your reward activity".....No tantrum, no negotiating, no avoidance behavior, he went straight to work with me, trying hard to answer the reading comprehension questions and do the essay required. It's an extraordinary challenge for him to be able to answer inferentially. We haven't even begun to scratch the surface of what is required to master this task. He struggles, my heart breaks, he blames his brain, I swallow my frustration (which by the way tastes like chocolate, cause it is.....) he stays with it, I humbled, watch him honestly try.....
He earns computers.....I gain 7 pounds.....so it goes.....

Friday came and I got up early to make breakfast. These people were going back to school and I wanted to make sure they got on that bus in time. They have winter break next week, so I needed my day to catch up. I called out for them to come, 2 boys appear...no Gabe...where is Gabe....turns out, Gabe was downstairs making a special poster for his teacher. No prompting required. He loves to celebrate everything and anything, Valentines is no exception. He wanted to do something that would make his teacher happy. Quietly he snuck downstairs without anyone noticing, and went to work. I thought I would see a card, or a perhaps a sheet of paper with his animal drawings on it, but as I heard him come up the stairs and open the door, I was stunned. This kid had turned a white poster sheet into an expolsion of colorful hearts....He was all smiles, thoroughly proud of his display.....Here I was chugging coffee, clawing my way through the morning, and just like that with one grinning kid behind kaliedoscopic hearts, I woke up....

Years ago, when Gilda Radner succumbed to her battle with Ovarian cancer, I remember watching a tribute to her. There was this short black and white film they played where Gilda beautifully played this delicate character and at the end she says " dreams are like paper, they tear so easily" ......I always loved her and thought she was absolutely brillant, and this black and white image, these words stayed with me forever intertwined with her, and art, dreams, life...And then Gabe comes along, and in so many ways he tears and cuts, and creates a collage of it all, and I think yes, dreams are like paper, they tear so easily.....but then you can piece them together, and create a whole new reality, and it could be special too.....

I think back to everything we have been through. Five years ago, he couldn't answer a question and barely had language. Today at 10 he can answer basic question though "why" and 'how" still test him. Developmentally delayed he still struggles with what is age appropriate. Or what is appropriate in general. He still is trying and learning to process the world around him sensorially. Gabe's unique challange is making sense of a world wired completely differently from him, and finding common ground. I comb through all this and keep finding that we are not as foriegn to each other as we believe. Extremes cloud, but common ground is always possible when we are all willing to open up and reach over...

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned the hard way that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it without knowing what is going to happen next"..........Gilda Radnor

"It's always something".......Rosana Rosanadana (Gilda Radnor)

Happy Valentines Day..................