Growing pains.....

Lost in the veridian hues of green, I hear your voice flippantly declare that I have peaked as a painter, you haven't seen growth in years. You suggest that I consider writing, pointing out that it seems to come more naturally to me, more fluidly. With that said, you also mention that I have a habit of over elaborating, that I need to edit. So much for fluidity.

Be careful when you speak of someones passions as though they were dismissible. There is a fine line between constructive criticism and destroying confidence. Hurtful words slither into cracks of what should be a solid foundation. While you believe you are supportive, and have been, it's those words that have been hiding in the corners that make me question not only my talent, but more so, why I would have allowed anyone's opinion to carry that much importance.

Easy to state that I have spent years neglecting my art, not challenging myself the way an artist should because my son's developmental disability needed every ounce of my creativity and my attention. Easy to state that my own fears and insecurities stood in the way of artistic growth. Easy to state that Autism takes hold over your life until you figure out a way to get it back, and work out some sense of balance. Somehow, pushing the art envelope falls onto the to do list right after finding your voice, helping your son find his, navigating language the receptive, the expressive....opening and closing circles of communication...finding and teaching the nuance of nonverbal communication...researching therapies, biomedical interventions, etc, etc.....

6 years ago I took great offense when 5 neurologists told me to institutionalize my son because he would not amount to anything. Here were 5 professionals who couldn't answer a question, who did not know a thing about Autism suddenly knowing that an institution would be best. I knew my son did not peak at 2, I knew despite it all that there was so much in him, and I had to figure out how to bring it out.........

And now I say to you that I might not have grown as an artist all these years, but I have grown as a person. I have more to say now than I could have ever thought. Simply by having to go back to the basics, re-examine life, redefine normalcy, differentiate between a wish and hope, and appreciate how important it is to be mindful in every respect, from how we treat our environment to how we treat one another. How we live our lives, how we chose to love, how we chose to express ourselves, this never peaks....it evolves.....we evolve.....So if it appeared to you that perhaps I have peaked as a painter, my delayed response is, how can I have peaked, when I still have so much more to learn?

With brush in hand, a vibrant pallette, maybe I can work things out....................