"Yes I play dress up! I do it for a living, like a retard!" Jennifer Aniston
Imagine having to live with a quote like that before your name, your words forever defining you for a moment in time. Now, imagine being defined by such a word for real. Imagine being more limited by the society you live amongst, than the actual disability you might have. Imagine being dismissed by a negative before anyone can appreciate all your positives, as if being mentally challenged was the sum of all your incredible feelings, your heart, your aspirations, your long labored accomplishments, your joys, your sorrows, your thoughts, your love. Imagine having to rise above the very real challenge of a prejudice so ingrained that the President of the United States and a well respected actress could comfortably find self deprecating humor by comparing themselves to you, and everyone laughs.
I hate how the word "retard" is used. I hate the connotation. I hate the delivery, the enunciation, the harsh way the ta meets the rd....I hate how flippantly it's tossed, and how callously it's received. I hate how so many defend it's use, much like the "n" word, despite knowing the power it has to continue to morally diminish a community of beautiful loving people. From my perspective it seems that political correctness only applies to those who do not have developmental or mental disabilities. I have through the years watched talk show hosts lose their jobs because of an incredibly offensive and discriminatory comment about race, ethnicity, religion or sex, and yet when Michael Savage said atrocities about people with Autism he was not let go. The outrage did not apply to our children.
Words hurt. My husband vehemently disagrees, and I am often told by others that we assign the weight the words take on. But, words sway, words can manipulate truth, words can cast doubt, words can end commitments, relationships, marriages, dreams......as easily as words can be a catalyst towards peace, it can ignite a war....and it can tear apart a persons sense of self worth.
I don't know too many parents of children with developmental disabilities or mental retardation, or both, who would have found Ms. Aniston's choice of words too amusing. I don't know too many young adults, teens or kids with these challenges that would have thought she was hysterical. It's only light when the stigma is removed. It's far from that. We are still fighting for our childrens basic rights. Here, most of us parents of special needs children, dream of our children being able to grow up, be independent, live as good a life as possible, be able to be employed, be acknowledged, have meaningful relationships, be surrounded by family and friends, be embraced by a supportive community long after we are gone, and yet this very privileged 41 year old woman who is obviously overpaid for playing dress up, instead of taking her art seriously, takes for granted everything she is given, and decides to mock it by retreiving the "r" word. She sounded more like a blurb from a poorly written teen comedy than an intelligent, amusing woman. There is a part of me that is tempted to believe that perhaps if she kept her old nose, she would have a little more character.
Now that I got that little catty comment out of the way, the truth is that word kills me. The first person to call my son that word was an adult woman in a car full of kids. My son did not cross quickly enough for her, so she hurled the word at him. She never saw me coming. My son froze at the comment and she yelled out "hey retard, you deaf too?"...Needless to say, to quote my son Will, "the Brooklyn came out" of me, some colorful language followed by the hand gesture dance, and of course the neck roll...it was a workout....She ended up feeling very badly because she did not realize Gabe has Autism. The behavior she modeled for her children was inexcusable. The way she made my kid feel was bordering unforgivable. It kills me because my son knows he is different and struggles with it everyday and yet he is joyous and brave. It is hard for him to keep up with his typical peers simply because the way he processes the world is completely different, and yet he still believes the world is his too....As complicated as his brain, his biology may seem to be, the innocence that dictates every electrical current, every heart beat, every glance or smile is as astonishing as a sunshower. I have spent so many years trying to reach my son, so when I hear him use his words, it matters. It's a sunshower......
Please reconsider the word. For all the Gabe's out there................
And replace it with any other wonderful attribute.............
They deserve it.................
Imagine we live in a world where everyone has a chance at living up to thier potential...................
